The children have just discovered Roger Hargreaves. I remember when his vivid ‘Mr. Men’ and ‘Little Miss’ characters flared my imagination back when the books were not even easily available. Now my kids have a big Mr. Men book and they have extrapolated that world to their real family. So I am Miss Forgetful (and justifiably so), hubby is Mr. Busy, Lakshya is (or rather aspires to be) Mr. Strong and Khushi is Little Miss Careful (my God-given counterfoil).  

That gave me an idea.What if the real world was a Mr. Men world?  Then who would be who? And once I got started, the names just flowed and flowed. (Ok, maybe I overdid it just a teeny bit…but it was so much fun!)

Here’s my Mr Men world (with due apologies for any offence to the original characters) :

1. Mr Greedy: The Congress Party a.k.a. the Corruption Party

 Our country’s fragile economy hadn’t even properly recovered from the acid reflux of Bofors and Swiss-German account leaks before Congress rained a series of blows on it’s tottering head. Sugar scam, 2G licenses telecom scam, CWG scam, Adarsh scam- the Congress has been everywhere, scammed all that. According to one estimate by the CAG, the combined loot of Karunanidhi, Sonia Gandhi and Raja in telecom scam was a whopping 175 lakh crores! First we used to talk in lakhs, then crores, but the Congress Party only talks in lakh crores. After that, the Jan Lokpal Bill was altered, flaring off several fasts and protest dharnas in the country. While the Babas fasted, the Babus feasted…Mr Congress MLA, aur kitna khaoge?

2. Mr Mischief: Aamir Khan, Abhinay Deo and Ram Sampath for Bhaag D.K. Bose

Mischief that a little below the belly and is very much Delhi! Call it a desperate attempt at controversy or a clever publicity stunt, it’s Mr Mischief at his mischievous best!

3. Mr Tickles: Baba Ramdev

After tickling out bile and gas build-up in our innards,  Yogi Baba Ramdev thought he could easily tackle the innards of our political system with his Rashtravadi, Gandhivadi, Annavadi methods. Only the Delhi Police put on their General Dyer caps and harassed his poor disciples, while the Baba, with his alleged 11 billion rupees safety cushion, merely got away with some system cleansing and free publicity. Despite the retreat, it seems that the long arm of ‘Mr Tickles- Baba Ramdev’ is itching to tease and tickle the very reluctant, short arm of our andha kanoon again.

4. Little Miss Magic: Mamata Banerjee

It took more than just strategy or populism to kick the only democratically elected Communist Party in the world out of their constituency after 34 years. It took a Little Miss Mamata’s magic! 

5. Mr Messy: Lalit Bhanot

For declaring pragmatically to the western media that Indian standards of hygiene are different from western ones. Of course, we are used to a filthy political system with murky elections, so what is a dirty basin and Chotu and Motu peeing on our bed? Post that, he and Suresh Kalmadi proved that the dirt trail was not just local but stretched miles across to plush Swiss accounts. But to look at the bright side, atleast they proved that finally in India, there was money in sports other than cricket.

6. Mr Tidy: Shiney Ahuja and Dominique Strauss-Kahn

Ok, this is really a Little Miss character, but I had to confer it to the very deserving candidates mentioned above. After all, unlike what Mr Bhanot suggested, Indian and western males seem to have the same aphrodisiac reaction to a woman cleaning their filth. Maybe it was Mr Strauss-Kahn’s French interpretation of ‘room service’ or Shiney’s punjabi interpretation of ‘ek glass garam doodh’, but the pair are ‘maid’ for each other with their ‘bai’sexual tendencies. (Sorry, couldn’t resist!)

7. Mr Bounce: Shahid Kapoor

When Shilpa Shetty crooned ‘Bounce Bounce’ to John Abraham in Dostana, it seems that the only person listening (as opposed to ogling), was Shahid Kapoor. And bounce he did from Kareena to Vidya to PC and back and to PC and back and to PC…or where is he now?

8. Mr Cool: M.S. Dhoni-No explanation needed.

9. Mr Muddle- Barack Obama

Just like Mr Muddle who can’t get things right, so poor Mr. Obama has tried his best- with the health reform, the don’t ask, don’t tell repeal, the guantanamo bay closure order, the Osama asssaination to name a few,  but he gets more and more muddled up while the economy and approval ratings flounder. Hope he isn’t the ‘change’ that the Republicans achieve in 2012.

10. Little Ms Splendid: Kate Middleton

The world waited to see if the Duchess of Cambridge would falter during the wedding. In the heart of hearts, we wanted a glitch, or even a memorable debacle like Diana in her famous black engagement dress which started the evening as an off-shoulder and ended it almost as a topless. But posh and very put-together new Duchess didn’t step a toe out of the Sarah Burton drawn designer line. The 2011 princess version maybe forgetably practiced perfect, but she’s undoubtedly splendid. 

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