In one of my all-time favourite books, ‘The Kite Runner’, Amir’s Uncle praises his nephew’s first story because it has achieved irony. ‘You may not ever know what it means,’ he writes to the 12-year-old, ‘It is something that some authors reach for their entire careers and never attain.’

If irony is the yardstick of great storytelling, then God is undoubtedly the greatest storyteller of all time.

It requires creativity and a solid sense of humor to create a species such as ours, but that is not what I’m talking about.

I am talking about the ironic, and perhaps even sadistic style of God’s work. He developed the ‘script’ of our world in a way that our perceptions were completely detached from reality. The truth was exactly the opposite of what we’d thought it was. The basis of our prejudices and complexes were not only superficial, but they were absolutely the other way around! 

The world is a product of a satirical genius.Somewhere, up there, someone is clearly enjoying the show. 

Examples of his great work are:

Man (and not woman) determines the sex of the child

Realms of newsprint, anger and bloodshed have been spent over centuries for this one. How many women across the world, especially in countries such as India, China and Korea have been torched, tortured and abandoned for failure to produce a male heir? It was the most ghisa-pita Bollywood storyline when I was growing up. As an only girl child in a Punju family I was witness to many ghisa-pita dialogues too, typically courtsey those ‘how-are-they-related-to-us-again’ relatives, staunchly resisted by my Mom.

And then you realise, it was all for nothing. Science proved (a little late in the day, if you ask me) that chance determines the sex of the child, of course, but if you really want to split hairs, the man’s Y chromosomes are to ‘blame’. Now all I want, is the power to call back all those relatives and shout at them in feminine unison, ‘NOW WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?’

I wonder that, even if we had known this back then, would men have been treated as unfairly as women were? Hmmm…..

• Females (and not males) carry the line on

Even in the west, parents have traditionally fussed for a male heir ‘to carry on the family line. ‘Khandaan ka naam’ is a very relevant dialogue for us even today. Families with only daughters saw their surnames die out and their ‘line’ virtually extinguish.  Only now women are getting the ‘privilege’ to retain the maiden name which will also ‘die’ out by maybe the next generation, at best.  Or will it?

In the ‘Out of Africa’ theory, Dr. Stephen Oppenheimer used Mitochondrial DNA to trace our ancestry right back to our first mother. Mitochondrial DNA (Mt DNA) is passed from the mother to her off- spring, but a son cannot pass it on. Using the female (mother-daughter) line, scientists have traced our ancestry back to the original eve estimated to live around 200,000 years ago!

Now let’s see, you can trace your ‘male’ name to how many years back?

We are all black

‘Black, Nigger, Nigga, Hubshi…its all coming back to us now.

You could practically hear Martin Luther King pop champagne in his grave at this one. After decades of being one of the poorest, most discriminated against, and exploited nations , we discover that Africa is the cradle of the world. The days of the White European were always numbered. Call it incredible coincidence or divine vengeance, the truth is we are all black, right from the purist southerner who votes white republican to the old Indian aunties who call Africans ‘hubshi’ to their face.

There you have it.

And now we are waiting for science to reach the final frontier. To deliver the last slap on the face of mankind.

To prove that ‘He’ is a ‘She’. God is a really a woman.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (devilish laughter-pun unintended)

Advertisements