For any new technology there are the innovators, then come the early adopters, early majority, late majority, laggards….

And then there’s me.

When people were carrying around pagers-I was getting adjusted to the answering machine. When the huge remote control-type mobiles invaded the market- I finally got a Japanese chordless. When Nokia 5110s took us by storm, I was weathering the waves by booking STD calls. By the time I accepted the inevitable and bought a basic black-and-white phone, the world had moved to colour. By the time I got a Nokia, it had moved to Sony Ericcsson. By the time I finally got a MP3, the I- Pod nano had arrived…uhm…you get the drift.

Yet, I always thought I was a part of a sizable group of tech-resistors. We were one generation behind, and proud of it. If our jobs depended on it, we were efficient users of technology but we weren’t hooked. We had a LIFE.

But in the last three years, a revolution called Apple has changed that protocol and HOW. Now, everyone I know has a smartphone, smart tab, smart thingmajing-which has left me feeling distinctly unsmart. Even those who definitely don’t need the latest 32 gb, 5 megapixel, smart-ass what-have-you : like the 60-year-old grandma who tracks the nearest kitty party group/ brahmkumari/ geeta paath session online. Or the never-used-the-mobile-except-for-calls mom who is now a professional Angry Bird gamer. Or the two-year-old who can’t have his dinner without Youtube. 

Smart technology is intuitive, anticipatory and very close to magic. Smart phone companies proclaim that if you think it, they can do it- from finding places in Brazil, to enabling you to work at 36000 feet above sea level,to teaching your kids to read or even fixing your personal life. 

But there’s still a gap that technology has not quite breached.  Following is my wish list for the next generation of smart devices/apps. The day they invent these- I will finally jump on to cyberspace speedwagon.

 1) Executive Transporter– An app that not only predicts the shortest possible route to office but also takes into account presence of thullas, stray slow pedestrians you may have to knock off and the probability of getting green signals. Failing which, generates automatic believable excuses for late-coming, such as train breakdowns, terrorist threats, last minute BMC rule change.

2) Intuitive mood Predictor : Particularly effective against bosses and spouses. Maps current moods of the target and possible reactions to one’s behaviour. Prompts user on what to say or mood boosting techniques. Failing which, fills the user’s ears with pleasant indistinguishable music so that one is virtually deaf to target.

3)Automatic Friend Generator: Generates virtual friend on demand in  emergency situations such as parties, younger sibling’s weddings and other uh…awkward situations. Strictly for adult usage only.

4) Constant Life Recoder: Particularly useful for people who feel persistent need to record/capture every instance of their largely non-happening lives. Like every facial expression of their babies, or every angle of their profile, or every tree in Mahabaleshwar.

5) Style corrector device: Recommends and generates outfits and ensures they are laundered and ready in the morning. As a corollary also adjusts metabolism so that body starts burning calories automatically, in direct proportion to calorie comsumption. So the more you eat, the thinner you are.

6) System shut down device: A device that decides when you need a break and shuts off all your digital extensions completely. Until you are unhooked.

Those are my top six-what is your next gen technology wish list?