A joint letter from the Karanataka porngate Ministers Sayadi, Patil and Palemar to BJP central leadership:

Respected Sirs

Thousand pranams! We, the blameless victims of media allegayshuns about our innocent non-actions prostrate (pun unintended) at your feets. Allow us to proove once, twice and for ever that we are blameless: mere by-standers (pun unintended) to a over blown (pun unintended) confused situashun.

First of everyone, media says that we are watching obscene video – they call it pornology- on cellphone during Parliament sessions (pun unintended). We say that is not the full and final true reporting. The Parliament was in session (pun unintended) on ‘Rave party’ in Maangalore (pun unitended). Now you know kind sar, we are not phoreners, we have never been raving partying and we are not knowing how to write. We are only being able to read our degree that you so very kindly obtained from Mr Modi’s Zaali Certificate Institute. So how we to no what raving partying is, I ask you?  Tell me, kind sars  is it our mistake that Google ejects (pun unitended) obscene video on our faces (pun unintended). No it is the mistake of Amricans like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. Not Porngate, Bill-gate. The bloody Amricans Presidents always doing obscene things- and we didn’t do two any body (pun unintended). It is not our culture, you see.

Oh Balaji, what is minister to do today? All work in agriculture is called ‘sugar scam’ ,  ‘land scam’. All work in new technography is called telecom scam. All work in entertainment is called IPL scam. Now extra curricular activities is called porngate. Where are we to go now? Where is the gate? All this media and marketing people from IIM are on top of us all the time (pun unintended). Earlier days were so golden, no? All best people wanted to join Civil Service. And then they were on our side and together we would do scam oooops…seva public. But now all we are left with is our two hands and one I-phone (pun unintended). One joke, sir- It is called I-phone for a reason, no? Hehehe!

Enough from Palemar. Now me, Minister of Cooperation (pun unintended) Savadi. Sir I tell you one simple thing? We are all Indians, brought up in pure and holy Indian culture. I am proud to be a true Indian-I consider all Indians to be my brothers and sisters. That is why the woman in the video were foreign! So how am I guilty? Indian cow is holy mata but we can eat western cow no?

And sir, as Minister for Woman and Child Development, I, CC Patil strongly object to media accusations. See it is good for women if we watch Porn. According to my Karanataka based, internationally famous, BOOGUS research agency, watching porn reduces incidence of rape by 25%. And eve-teasing by 30%. And chain snatching by 50%.And robbery by 34%.   And it improves male productivity by 23%. Above all (pun unintended), it improves political performance by 55%!

Therefore I would like to propose that porn be made mandatory in all assembly meetings. Think about the possibilities! Lalu Prasad Yadav will be distracted by phone grabbing instead of land scamming. Sharad Pawar shall forget sugar for whipped cream. And Kalmadi would go after spam instead of scam! Hehe! And as business leaders say- the best thing politicians can do for India is to leave it alone. Beleive me sir, get MPs on porn and strong shining India shall emerge (pun unintended)

Thank you in advance for your valued forgiveness

Laxman Savadi, CC Patil and Krishna Palemar